Erma Bombeck Quotes
Note: The “success” in the following Erma Bombeck quotes is simply laughter, joking and not taking life too seriously.
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ‘Checkout Time is 18 years.’
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.
